The Pain Behind Hidden Disabilities

 

But you don’t look disabled.

But I am disabled.

But you are so smart.

Disabled doesn’t mean dumb.

But you are so pretty.

Disabled doesn’t mean ugly.

But you dress so nice.

Disabled doesn’t mean a lack of fashion sense.

But you are so articulate.

Disabled doesn’t mean I can’t speak.

But if you only tried harder, you could fit in.

Disabled doesn’t mean fitting in.

But…don’t you want to fit in?

 

Fitting in…

 

Managing unwritten rules.

Understanding that when a person smiles and says they like you, they may cut you down behind your back.

Understanding that if a person says, “How are you today?”  They really mean, hello and walk on by.

Knowing that no matter how hard you try, someone will find fault, which generally stems from having Asperger’s Syndrome or Attention Deficit Disorders.

“Looking” normal, so the NT’s will feel more comfortable around you.

 

Being a person with AS…

 

I like the ‘written rules’

            If a young child or an older person smiles, it is usually genuine.

            When someone really takes the time to know and accept me, I can trust the rules.

                        They mean what they say and they are kind and consistent.

            I know what is expected of me, and what I am expected to do.

                        Don’t give me ambiguous expectations, and then find fault.

Don’t be inconsistent in affect i.e., today you smile, tomorrow you yell, the next day you ignore, and the next you smile. 

 

Fitting in for us means…

            High anxiety

            Self-loathing or recriminations

            Depression

            Defeatist attitude

            Emotional defeat and poor self-esteem

 

Hidden Disabilities vs. “True Disabilities”

           

            Michelle, you are great at giving presentations, it is just working with others that is the problem.

            No, the problem is working with others who bully or condescend. 

The problem is others have jealousy over our accomplishments and distain for our inabilities.

Working with people who are kind and tolerant, is never our problem.

 

           

You ask me to “act” more normal in social situations, and say if I just tried harder I might be more normal…

 

            Would you ask a person in a wheel chair, to please it at the table in a “real” chair, so they might seem more normal?